Depression

I have battled depression since I was in my early twenties. I am now 40 and I still struggle. I have put on weight, I have lost interest in just about everything, I sleep a lot, I go to work and come home, I don't exercise, I eat foods that aren't healthy, etc.! I am simply a lost soul. My passion in my teens and early twenties was Prince. I was fortunate to have met someone that worked for Prince. I got to hang out at Paisley Park Studios when I would head to MPLS to visit my new friend. I thought I wanted to get into the music business. The problem was that I had no clue as to what I would do. I had zero confidence. I had no goals. In 1992, I decided to move to Minneapolis from Detroit. I briefly lived with my friend until I found a job and got an apartment. I was excited to head to Paisley Park every night after work. My friend was let go from Paisley, but I was able to visit every once in a while since I met one of the engineers while going there. He was soon let go. I felt cool. I felt like I was on top of the world, well, externally. Internally, I was a mess. What was I going to do with my life? I worked at a front desk for a hotel. My now husband was a general manager for the chain. He and I began dating. I left the hotel and started taking classes at the University of MN. My first semester I got a 4.0. However, I felt lost. My now husband already had his college degree. I felt like I was nothing without a degree, but that didn't seem to drive me. I was so worried about failing and missing out on things that my friends were doing. I ended up getting a full-time job at the University. My classes were paid for since I was working there full-time. I had to take classes at night in order to do this. I was miserable. Again, I thought about what everyone else was doing. I had no focus, no goals. My focus was on what everyone else was doing, or what everyone else had.